your coat

I wore your coat tonight. Out,
into the cold wind
that whipped the ugly city around.
Snug, I felt still inside.
I imagined you there,
tried to remember your voice,
Loud and sure. “Do not
Do nothing.” I raised the hood,
slid my pink hands into your pockets
and felt for anything.
The sky was empty and black to match.
Without one doubt, it has been
the longest two weeks of my life.
Pleading for what’s left of real,
warning magic to prove something to me.
The guilt is surely creeping up behind.
I follow anything that leans back when I fall,
still silent. I can’t keep on forgetting.
Your loyalty lead lines to me
but I don’t know where they stop.
And tonight, staring out, I started to see
that I couldn’t, still can’t,
take your advice.
Standing there, totally gone
with the spirit of loss, nothing left.
I did nothing.
I‘d done nothing.
What had I done?