someone i should be

i don't care about anger today.
it's doing nothing for me.
not empowering, propelling, or even
masking some more vulnerable state.
no, and it's not honesty, really,
that i need, because actually i'm
finding it hard to identify, within myself
and in others, or realizing that at
the very least, life is still showing me
that i have unforeseen bewilderment,
which i had at some point just
accepted into my world view,
to be rejected and laughed out.
and in a way i appreciate that. i
feel a bit like i'm getting
too tired, or old even, to believe
that i can resolve it here, tonight,
with these two shaking hands.
because i'm not someone i
should be, i just am, and i hear an
alarm when anyone now tries to
tell me that they know how to use
that word. should- very little to it,
really, yet so many failures that
could have been avoided by its
absence. should you be right, and how? well,
think about it forever if you'd like,
but i might just assume that we're
not and listen. hope that in giving
up we'll get something back,
even if it's just that more of those
stubborn youths will start to do
more of nothing for us, and lose weight.
i mean, can we sit here and really
watch through something we can't see
or keep up a fight by slamming two
mirrors against each other?
tonight i am just too tired not to
let be. so, someone else can climb into
the sky on ideals alone and clean
the stars we wish on. i mean,
do it. i'll watch. and i think i can
still even believe you if you
tell me you've seen one falling